Yesterday this lovely man, my father-in-law would have been 100 years old. He actually died almost a quarter of a century ago, though he did live to see in this millennium.

I haven’t ever written a lot about him, but today I thought I would make up a little for lost time. I first met him when I went to Poland to meet my husband’s family for the first time. we had already had out registry office wedding, to which no-one except the two witnesses had been invited, and so had upset, not deliberately, a lot of people on the way. my in-laws in particular.

So somehow or other I needed them to see my point of view ( I was in love with their son) and to accept me ( I was already married to him, in the eyes of the state, anyway.) I arrived in Warsaw excited and nervous, and as it turned out I had reason to be. The interrogations, though now I realise were kindly meant, were endless – they wanted to know every detail of my 25 years. Thank goodness I wasn’t older! They would hardly let me out of the house because they wanted to get to know me better. I tried to hold it together, but one day I had had enough. I had upset my grandmother in law, particularly, and she let me know in no uncertain terms that I was NOT her favourite person for taking her beloved grandson away from her.

Now that hadn’t been my intention at all – I believe love expands and my husband wasn’t going to love anyone the less just because of me. And I told her so. This brought on another wave of invective (all whispered, as my husband was asleep, as is his wont, at the time.)

So, I went to my father in law and asked him to buy me a ticket to go back to London. I didn’t want to be the cause of distress etc, etc. and this is where this delightful man came into his own. He’d been very quiet when his womenfolk were getting to know me. And now he just looked at me, and said of course, if that is what you want.

And then he went to his mother in law, and for the first and last time I saw him really angry – with her. She came and apologised, and that was a turning point. I can’t say she was ever happy, because Jacek did come to live in England, but it was the beginning of acceptance.

And why did he do this? He did not like conflict, but he was very fair. Nowadays it seems rude to call people judgmental, but this is what he was. He judged situations based on all known facts. He observed, he weighed things up, he sought evidence. And he came to the conclusion that he liked me!

He was Professor of Wood Technology at the University of Warsaw. He was extremely well known in his field. He wrote a book about parquet flooring which he dedicated to his wife. They hadn’t been married long and she must have been so proud of him. I doubt whether she read it, though. But I have just googled it and it is still being quoted today. He received an honorary doctorate from Szopron University in Hungary, The certificate and seal are the biggest I have ever seen.

As far as academic publications go, he wrote a lot, each one drier than the last, to the uneducated mind, at least. But he enjoyed writing generally and I have an enormous collection of letters that he wrote to me and to my family which are beautifully descriptive and interesting. but he really came into his own with verse. Every special occasion was graced with an apposite poem, sometimes humorous, always loving. He was obviously pleased with his efforts, I discovered recently, because he kept carbon copies of them all in a special leather folder. He was well organised, and very modest. I should really have written a poem for him today – I never let him know how much I appreciated him – I hope he realised by osmosis. There is so much more that I could write about him, and maybe one day I will.

And now a question. Did Anthony Burgess ever go to Poland? Did he meet my father in law? In his book Earthly Powers (have you read it?) there is a wonderful description of a professor Aleksander Korzeniowski? It is surprisingly accurate in parts. When I came across it many years ago I was quite taken aback. I haven’t got it with me or I would find the pages and let you know.